Sometimes for whatever reasons, children may not be able to have both their parents, that is mother and father but we all know that God designed it in such a way that children will be raised by both a mother and a father. Sometimes it feels like a child can just do with either parent. Matter of fact, from the stand point of therapy, when a child doesn’t have either parent, we encourage that you identify with either mother figure or father figure because there are benefits of a mother and of a father and their contributions are unique in the life of a child. There are certain things that may overlap but there are certain unique contributions that come from a mother.
Mothers were created to care yet while fathers also do care but that is not their primary role. The primary role of a mother is to care because they nurture the soft part of a child.
Whereas fathers are so much into leadership and authority as their special contribution in the life of a child, mothers contribute care and compassion. You probably have seen people who pride in being tough and do not have to be compassionate, but these are elements that define a human being. If someone grows up without an element of care and compassion, that would be a problem.
Secondly, mothers nurture conscience that is nurturing the sense of right and wrong. One of the reasons is that mothers tend to spend a little more time with the children and that’s their nature but also pay more attention to detail. A mother is in position to see and read emotions. So a child who may not have the benefit of connecting with a real mother or a mother figure, may lack compassion and end up growing up with more authority and other high-level things. Compassion, conscience and care are the elements that actually define a human being.
Another contribution from mothers is the sense of trust. Because of the psychological element called attachment, when mothers connect with a child through pregnancy and breastfeeding, a child learns to trust the world as a safe place to live in. And so, when a mother is not in the life of a child, either they have left them too early or they put them in boarding school or they have left them to be raised by the house help or nanny and they haven’t connected and attached well, those children tend not to trust the world and environment around them.
As adults we get so many people who say, I can never trust anyone, it feels cool but it is not. It is very important for one to trust until they are disappointed but not to trust the world as untrusty.
So, it is important that mothers pay attention to those elements and not just surrender their children to other people that may not be able to raise them into healthy human beings.
